Holistic Hoedown: A Plea To Otherwise Intelligent People

It’s peak flu season here in America, and lately I seem to come in contact with a walking plague of a friend or co-worker every day. Inspired by the droves of vacuous mouth-breathers having their pockets lightened by the Airborne scam, I have to rant just a bit about alternative medicine. How can people actually believe that there are miracle cures that somehow slipped past the well-educated and well-funded scientists, but were discovered by a “nutraceutical formulist” in his mom’s basement? Even better are the “ancient cures from the orient” that our own FDA doesn’t want you to know about! Now, don’t let my skepticism keep you from a healthier, happier life. Maybe your trained doctor really does have “bad energy”. Maybe your magnetic field really is out of whack. In that case feel free shove the buttcandle…well…you know.

Please stop buying these things people. It’s insulting to real scientists everywhere.

Hail Xenu

Bonus picture of me getting a stress test at a Dianetics booth at the mall. The only thing more depressing than the old man next to me who was totally sold on the system, was the sinking feeling I got when I realized that Deiter, the Operating Thetan giving me the test, actually believed the excrement coming from his mouth. When I asked him what was causing the needle on his stress machine to jump around, he mumbled something about my “stress ions”. How many electrons does Stressium have in its outer shell? Hail Xenu.

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