Kitsch of the Day: Poundin’ Energy Drinks

It’s one of those days. In the spirit of picking myself up from lethargic gloopiness (via caffeinated intervention), it seemed right time to drop an off-brand energy drink roundup. I’ll admit it, I love energy drinks. Even more than the taste (which can be repulsive — word to the wise, DON’T EVER, EVER try the clamato energy drink, you will regret it), what fuels my love are the absurd names and labels. Here are a few of my favorite choice gems.

Everlast Latino: Delicious, cheap, and in Spanish. I don’t need any more reasons to stock up on this. Only buy the red kind though, the black can (sabor delicioso or something like that) is terrible. This is the drink I gulp down to plow through my three and half hour long class. Everyone stares at me with longing, droopy eyes when I crack it open, it even looks powerful.

Everlast Latino

 

Power Trip: I imagine that this is what I would drink if I was a boss or on the opposite end, an underling. I blew through this one in a fit of rage, which can be summarily described by the sweet 1980s explosion graphics found on said can. Bonus points for the outrageous “blue citrus flavor” (any color drink, i.e. purple drink, is a good drink in my opinion) and the ridiculous XTREME type face and spelling. Solid.

Power Trip

 

TF aka Tropical Fantasy and Ace: These two get ups for pure trashiness. Fake metal rivets, enormous flames, and ambiguously sexual titles (check it out on urban dictionary) add to the Nascar, flag waving beauty. No, there aren’t American flags on these cans, but dammit there might as well be.

TF

And, speaking of America

HOOAH! Soldier Fuel: This is really the height of energy drinks. Though the flavor says lemon-lime, it might as well be screaming eagle. “Created by the U.S. Military” and coupled with some impressive charts and graphs, this can of carbonated shock and awe boasts itself as an American Soldier’s secret weapon. And to top it off, all of this for 60¢? Sign me up!

HOOAH

 

HOOAH2

Honorable Mentions:

Resident Evil T-Virus Antidote: Circumventing zombification has never been more delicious. It’s also supposedly made by the Umbrella Corporation.

NOS: Because fast always, always=good.

Resident EvilNOS

[Res Evil pic via Aeropause, NOS pic via LiquidCrack]

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