Staring at the TV, drooling, while gulping down Jack LaLanne commercial after commercial, may soon be eclipsed as one of the most banal activities known to man. Enter: masturbation. No, I’m not talking about your run of the mill blush-when-your-mom-walks-in-on-you school boy stuff. I’m talking self stimulation in the 21st century, with electrodes.
According to the L.A. Times (use BugMeNot for a username to read), Dr. Stuart Meloy has recently created a device with the capability to directly excite the erogenous zones of both men and women. Dubbed the “orgasmatron,” after a Woody Allen flick, this beeper sized, game-like remote, with corresponding spinal electrodes, has the potential to stimulate “to quite realistic effect.” This innovation can produce orgasms for women, revive the ability for those who had lost it (though it can’t bring women to climax who had never before reached it) and bring men to a equally powerful conclusions. Needless to say, if the orgasmatron device passes FDA approval, you might be sitting on a subway or a plane in the near future seeing people furiously pushing buttons — ditching their white headphones for another kind of entertainment.
While reading about this news, I can’t help but think of a bizarre experiment in 1970, wondering if this device will create a similar reaction in its users. Doctors first tested a brain implant of a similar device on a rat in 1954. Wires were attached to a lever, that when pressed, would excite much like the orgasmatron. “When the rat figured out it could self-stimulate itself by pressing a lever, it would maniacally bang on that lever up to two-thousand times an hour.” Extending that idea, Robert Heath of Tulane University wired up patient B-19, hoping that the stimulation might encourage the initiation of heterosexual behavior in a homosexual. It did nothing of the sort, although there was what seems to appear, an awkward one time sexual encounter with a prostitute. What it did do though was slightly absurd and slightly disconcerting. “It was like letting a chocoholic loose in a candy shop. B-19 quickly became obsessed with the pleasure button. In one three-hour session he pressed it 1500 times until, as Heath noted, ‘he was experiencing an almost overwhelming euphoria and elation and had to be disconnected.'” I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t want to try it, but I can’t shake the image of a nation of idle people, clicking away in gleeful addiction. But, hey, maybe this is the answer that the war on drugs has been looking for all along — and it’s fat free too.
PLEASE! Click below for a technical demonstration.
[For more on the experiment visit Museum of Hoaxes]